heads up!!!

Hey people, The Valley Mosh gig is this saturday! hell yeah, there will be bands, free drinks, company, and a whole lot more! come down and enjoy the hell out of yourself! if you want tickets, you can just tell me and ill tell avery. yes, and you get to save two dollars because of that... early bird tix are going at $10 and at-the-door tix are 12. just contact me and i'll fix you up. bands that are playing include Trella, Caracal, 4th Avenue, Her Black Despodency, The Arrant End, Melanie Murder and many more! the bands will kickstart the event from 7pm onwards so be there early! if you have no idea how to get there, just leave a tag.



oh yes, and SOD will not be playing due to time contraints. sorry people! and sorry too for leaving our website all stagnant and shit, we're gonna get to it soon once we're on stable ground. cheers!

okay for those people who are going to my school band concert tomorrow, well you guys owe me $$$. hahaha! expect a call or sms telling you about where and when to meet. yup.

cant wait for the valley mosh. im on keyboard and vocals for Trella if you people dont know. i've been proclaiming sod too much aye? hahah. cant wait cant wait. expect a good show, cause you guys are gonna get one. i didnt say get a good show from trella tho. hahahahah! kidding, you just wait man. there's still caracal to watch. get your ass down there okay.

there you go, my inspiration... Toby Morrell of Emery.
headbang, baby.

alright thats all, bye! enjoy your week! see you at the valley mosh! contact me for more info!

invalid litter department

Hello, blogspot. it's the 19th of July today. the past few days have been quite tiring. school is starting to bite all of us really hard. the stress is starting to kick in really hard. either that, or its just that im actually starting to care.

i spent quite a bit of today wondering about religion. i find that i have an extremely healthy amount of quiet time to myself, cause i find myself drowning in thought every time i walk back home from school. its this little intimate time i have with my intriguing mind. well, i just so happened to ponder about religion. again. this time though, not just my own. i started thinking about everyone elses. and our purpose in life.

sometimes i think that religion is quite lame. its like we all have to follow this 'code of conduct' or 'set of rules' that God made up, (the ten commandments for catholics and christians) and based on our following of these 'rules', we get judged when we die and God decides whether we spend the rest of eternity in heaven or hell. thats extremely shallow, dont you think? its as if our life here is some sort of test. quite a long test if you ask me.

but then again. screw my stupid interpretations of things. im falling into shit again. im still young and stupid. it doesnt matter. God has his own plan. who am i to question Him? i just dont like the way he's so discreet and you have to seek so hard just to find him. and he never gives me direct replies, its always some weird way of conversing with me that he gets his messages across. God, why are you so discreet? i just want to like talk to him like the way i talk to everyone else. i want to ask him what the heck everything means. oh well. that will just happen when i die. what to do from now till then? i have absolutely no idea. okay maybe i do, but its so faint. i hate it when people say its something i will only find out when i die, cause that means that they dont know either and they just want me to die. thats not very comforting. but if someone told me that he or she would want be dead, i would rather die and meet God than stay on earth and live in torment of someone wanting to have you killed in some sick, twisted, painful way. bah.

ohhh man, i want to play baybeats one day. maybe when im like old enough and my band's matured musically. and when we get good enough. it's a pity i had to miss saturday and sunday of this years baybeats. my peeps told me it was excellent. and Derek Hess drew something for Kenneth! lucky bastard.. well, at least i got to go on the first day and see west grand boulevard and LOVE ME BUTCH. love me butch had a replacement drummer that day who wasnt as good as their original drummer of course, but it was awesome anyway. fantastic show. theyre a teriffic band.

oh phoey. i hate free will. but i love it at times. but i just hate it when its such a hatable thing. people say love is a choice, right? but God told us to love everyone. why is it that sometimes its not a choice, its simply inevitable? like the way you love your family. sometimes you cant stand them, but you love them and thats why you cant stand them. it sometimes works for people outside of the family too. and when that happens, it gets weird.
where's the master plan?

i wish i had this magical remote control that could put my life on 'pause'. that would be extremely teriffic... yeah baby. throw me one.

OH YES. daryl asked me to link his little post that has youth rally shots. so here you go.. http://darylg.livejournal.com okay! make sure you go there! yup bye.

nothing

what do people mean by the term, 'less than nothing'?
isn't nothing is the lowest you can go?
nothing is the bottom, the pits, nothing is absolutely the limit of nothingness.
How can something be less than nothing?
If there was something less than nothing, then nothing would not be nothing, it would be something - even though it's just a little bit, it's just a very teeny bit of somthing, but it's still somthing.
But if nothing is really nothing, then nothing has nothing that is less than it already is.
So there is nothing that is less than nothing.
'less than nothing' is demeaning bullshit.

justsomething.

Hello, blogspot. i decided to enter a little post in my little blog to pass the time. It's very early on monday morning, and everyone is up. alright not everyone. but many people are up, cause we are going to watch the world cup final soon! im rooting for italy, cause i want them to kick the shit out of france. because france beat portugal. hell yeah, im a portugal supporter. like a "support the motherland!" kinda thing. cause im three quarter eurasian. im very depressed because germany beat portugal. and it was bad, it was 3-1. and germany's goals were good. its like i hate you but your good. but thats alright i guess. it doesnt affect me, im living many many miles away and i dont even know any of them. so why do i even care? hahah! i dont know, i got myself interested in soccer again. im just so damn lazy, thats why i dont play that often. i guess ill start playing soccer again soon. its been quite a while eh?

alright! my past week hasn't been bad at all, so there i have it; something to be happy for. there are so many things going on this month. i wish we had more hours in a day. i wish i didnt need to put so much effort into my schoolwork. i wish i had more money. i wish we didnt need to sleep. i wish i was fit. i wish i was strong. i wish many things but whats the use eh. haha.. i think i wish too much without doing anything.

OH! okay, i bought a pair of macbeth shoes. like finally right, guys. MACBETH UNITED. i think my shoes are stunningly beautiful. well they'd better be right, they cost a bomb. my wallet is crying out to me now. damnit, im a student with no income apart from my allowance and little stints, which arnt much. i dont think im a wise financial planner at all. i was never good with money. i hate accounting. sigh. but what the heck, i managed to buy the damn shoes with the damn money and im pretty damn happy with them. woo...

oh, i would like to ask people. is fishing suddenly the in thing to do? cause my friends are into fishing all of a sudden. their idea of fun. what the hell. i have no idea what is going on these days.
i hate trendy wankers! hah, ill start a trend. i will suddenly say its cool to own old school handphones like mine. very soon, many people will start to follow me. cool? haha of course its cool! its damn cool!
but i hate being cool so to heck with it! hahahaha!

alright. the television is calling. the time is near. till next time!
bye readers!

p.s. i love my friends. and i love my bestfriend. cheers to what we had today, it was special. hahaha... hell yeah!

send me an angel.

Hello blogspot. we're in the month of July already. Time flies, doesnt it? The funny thing about this is that you know its july, but you just somehow dont believe it. its startling to think that a good half of this year just went by, and i know it, but its just not etched into my mind. im thinking, okay, its july. so what? i dont know. life is short. what is happening? everything used to seem so easy before. now everythings so uncertain. life used to be so safe and settled. now its full of adventure and danger. and responsibility.'


i found myself questioning relentlessly the past few days. i find QT (quiet time) extremely useful. but sometimes it just gets me lost in thoughts. i found myself questioning my purpose in life again. do we really live to serve God? what's God's plan again? How come im back to where i was? life isnt this set piece of planned situations, right? or is it? why? how come?
i think i took one or two steps backward from the time when i was supposedly 'changed' after the yes camp. okay, yes, i was on a spiritual high. i posted a brilliant post about God's love and his plan for us, proclaiming our purpose was just simply to attain salvation, and its proleptic and all that. but is that all? when i read my post on the yes camp blog again, i couldnt believe what i said. has the holy spirit left me? why is everyone so yippie doo dah, artificial and cheesy? should i just go on in pure faith and acceptance of this so called plan of my life or should i try things my way? should i be questioning in the first place? i dont think i was really changed, i think God was just trying to tell me something. i dont believe in all that magic crap that a single camp can change your life. its too fairytale-like. its as if one moment youre a bastard of a sinner, and after that camp, youre an angel. no, i dont think so. a change is a process, i think. am i even changing? i dont know. like i said, i think i took one or two steps back. this is bad. i think this whole life changing thing is cheesy sometimes. its like too fairytale. a single camp cant change your life. faith formation is a process. thats why they call it 'growing in faith'. but still. all this commotion is just too much sometimes. i especially find it annoying when i find people in youth groups in church or whatever joining it cause its supposedly cool or their friends are there. and they pretend to be 'touched by the lord' and all that. yep, i did get touched by him. but sometimes when you hear all this from everywhere around you so often, you start to think. i dont know whats happening, maybe im getting bored of this bull.

i guess im a perfectionist? i hate making mistakes, i like everything perfect. when i screw up something, i just throw it away. i hate it when i sin, especially after a long period of staying clean for a while. one sin just sort of screws the whole effort and i get damn disheartened. i would throw it away, cause its not perfect anymore. then i sin again, because i am going to confession anyway, so why not just sin again. i know its bad. its pissing the shit out of me. i hate the way i always strive to be perfect, because i throw the whole thing away if i just have one mistake. i think it shows in my studies. when i screw up one test im like, screw this, my effort is wasted.

why is God so discreet? im tired of trying to figure him out. sometimes everything seems so lame.
jesus is cheesy sometimes, praise and worship is not the same, i dont know why i keep questioning things. help me, Lord. i need you more than anything or anyone right now. its so hard to figure you out. why did you give me this brain? why didnt you bless me with retardedness? yes, i said bless with retardedness. or down syndrome. because these people are beautiful. they praise God without the barrier of an evil, easily corrupted, questioning mind like we have. they dont think. they just praise God. they just love. they just live in God's love. dont you realise how much love these people are filled with? they are like children, free from corruption, innocent, loving. i want to be like them. God told me i have to love people, just simply love people, and thats my main purpose in life. to love others.
i dont have the faith to do so sometimes. im too judgemental. i just think too much.

God, im losing it.
send me an angel.