the war of all against all.
God damn it, I seriously think too much.
Wait.
By some weird twist of mental events, I suddenly feel accomplished. Its like I found something. And I think I know what it is. I'll think as i type along......
Yes, there you go, it's me, happy-go-lucky on the outside, insecure on the inside, problem-ridden, lonely to a considerable degree, tongue poisoned with careless speech, highly insensitive, yet admittedly oddly caring, in a state of perpetual thought drowning, sometimes overenthusiastic to an astonishing degree, underenthusiastic at the wrong times, expressive and reserved; switching between the two in such a fluent manner, almost spastic...
Wait.
This wasn't the 'mental revelation' I had expected. To put it bluntly, it's making me feel even more shitty about myself than I already am. Being rather used to it, I could go on, but this is turning into degrating, almost destructive self-scrutiny.
I hate how my frustration cannot be rooted to a single problem, because it is a cumulation of many events.
I hate how I cannot help it. Or maybe I can?
I hate how I look at certain parts of myself as a different entity.
Writing to express your frustration sometimes doesnt do anything to help you vent it out, it merely acts as a reminder, and how in a few months, if everything does turn out better, i would be able to just look at this, and laugh.
Yea, sometimes it is very what-the-fuck.
give me gravity, give me clarity,
give me something to rely on.