paint a new starting line

hello blogspot. i'm a couple of hours away from taking my o level chemistry paper. again. heh.
phuck la. it's like 4am on the day of the exam. the exam starts at 2.30pm.
i did what i could.
it's been tough putting aside time to study for the trivial o's, (again) cause of school and such.
people find it weird that im schooling AND taking the o's at the same time.
cause the school im in, has nothing to do with o's. lol.
well I suppose it is, and yes, its really retarded.
like, priority confusion, yo.
it's been so gnarly that i dont even know if I can achieve that simple B3 I wanted.
i mean, it's just o levels.
it's just o levels.
sigh.

but today's a new beginning la. KC you know what i mean right, you sweaty lizard.
today's endeavour has prompted me to make positive changes !
it's a start!

if i fail

I still feel damn bastard about the whole thing,
maybe cause I don't normally have very short relationships. Maybe cause I seldom end it. Maybe cause it seldom happens. Maybe cause they were never this weird?
It's annoying, how you may want something, sometimes quite badly, and when you finally get receive it, it's not all that great, and the desire totally dissapears.
I hate myself for crushing that heart and destroying those dreams.
Okay, so I couldn't "love" her.
What does a dumb 17 year old know about "love," anyway?
maybe I was right though, maybe the reasons were there. I just feel shitty about my super immature way of ending what I had to end.

This has been forcing me to keep asking myself;
So what the hell do I want, then?
well, I don't fucking know. just not that. don't even know why.

I thought I was entering a nice phase in 2007, and end the year right for once. But no, I just had to have fucked up opinions which help me successfully fuck everything up.

I feel incomplete. And no, it's not because of her. Okay, it is, but not exactly. I think I pretty much did do the right thing, just that it was a pretty stupid way of getting that 'thing' done. It's been forcing me to think and realise alot more about myself. Deep down. So maybe this was a blessing.

Such is life, I suppose.

I need to do things which make me content again. I need to back get up.
I can't wait for my two miserable o level papers to be over. what a reply.
I can't wait to play shows again. i need to let go.
I can't wait to go to KL with atc. i need a fucken holiday.
I can't wait to get started on the pre production of the EP.

people make mistakes

So it didn't work out,
people say shit they dont mean when they get worked up
I mean, they might mean it, but not in such a brutal way
I say and do alot of things without thinking
which was probably why I got myself into this in the first place
I cannot go on lying to myself and to you,
We're so different anyway,
we should have waited
I guess if we're not meant to be, we're just not
So it's prolly best that it ends right here.


plain and simple. this is it, this is closure.